The Greater Good
by RescueSquad51
Summary: A 'missing scene' from Decision. As Roy faces his worst nightmare, he finds the common ground of another from an unexpected source.


Hello again, folks, and welcome to my second story. A bit of an angst-fest this time, set during Decision, and centred around the awful situation that Roy finds himself in.

If time had allowed for some extra scenes, I'd have loved to see Cap follow Johnny's attempts to persuade him not to quit. As his captain, I'm sure it's something that Hank would do. But then, that's why I love writing fanfic - it fills in what we don't always see! So here's a 'missing scene' that takes place just before the one between Roy and Kel.

Enjoy!

* * *

The Greater Good

If there was one thing Hank Stanley held above all else in his command, it was his crew. Their safety first, and their wellbeing a near as damn second.

For every one of them, his door was always open, for anything and everything that bothered them. If anyone had a problem, it was his duty as captain to hear it, and try to make it right. So the soft knock that interrupted his latest reports didn't surprise him. In truth, he'd expected it for most of that morning, and - what the hell?!

"Uh, Cap? You got a minute?"

Okay, so this wasn't the person he'd expected to see, but the response was still the same. His full and instant attention, with maybe an extra kind smile as he motioned for his visitor to come in.

"Sure, Johnny. As many as you need."

Settling into the offered chair, John spent less than a second in it before he bounced back to his feet. The family baby was clearly rattled, even more so than usual. Yet Hank couldn't enjoy its usual humour as he watched his junior 'medic pace around his office. With the same cause for concern still hanging between them, he felt the same way.

For Johnny, of course, it was an even harder prospect to face. Losing your partner in the line of duty was one thing, that you learned to live with. Eventually. But to lose him from something so pointless as this - yeah, no wonder the kid was stammering as he got straight to their mutual point.

"It's Roy, Cap. I've tried everything to talk him out of it, but he - he's still blaming himself for that patient, and he still wants to quit. I've never seen him like this, you know? I mean, he's not just my partner, he's my best friend. All those times he's been there for me, but now it's the other way around, and... and I don't know what to do, Cap. I just don't know how to help him."

When the torrent of words finally stopped, Hank just nodded. He'd only been assigned to 51 for a few weeks, but he already had his new team pretty well pegged, and he already liked what he saw. A unique band of brothers, who'd now closed ranks around their rock of reason and calm. A person who none of them had thought would ever need it.

Roy DeSoto, his senior paramedic, who had more in common with his new captain that he'd had time to realize. So calm and placid on the outside, but like a damn fortress beneath - the horrors of what he faced each day kept locked beyond its walls. As Hank had learned so painfully himself, such strength could also be a far more dangerous weakness.

And now he was facing his worst professional nightmare. Convinced that he'd caused the death of his patient, he could only see one way out of it. Not even his partner, his closest friend, had managed to reach him. But as he re-met that friend's eyes, Hank knew neither of them would stop trying. Because when one of your brothers fell in the line of duty, you went through all the fires of hell to raise him back up.

* * *

Another soft knock. Another interruption to his paperwork. And just as he'd done with Johnny, Hank offered his senior paramedic a heartening smile. Okay, so the suggestion he'd made for a quick chat had been accepted a bit sooner than he'd expected, but he still saw it as a promising sign. The faster they talked this damn mess out, the faster they'd find a way to resolve it.

He hoped.

"Come on in, Roy. Coffee?"

"Uh, no. No thanks, Cap, I'm - I'm fine."

Keeping his doubts about that tactfully to himself, Hank just nodded as he filled his own mug. Instead, he used the silence that followed to read what Roy's body language told him. Watching him sag into his chair, he saw all the exhaustion he'd expected, and felt the even deeper anguish beyond it.

But then, some of the strength that defined so much of Roy's character returned. Taking a deep breath, he sat up straighter and, if more quietly, got as straight to the point as his partner had done.

"I guess Johnny's been in to see you, right? About my decision to quit."

The voice was as calm as ever, with none of the anger that Hank had dreaded to see in Roy's eyes. Instead, they held shadows of self doubt and recrimination, that didn't belong there either.

Well, to hell with that. His captain's personal mission to end this nightmare started here, and it started now.

"Yes, Roy, he has. You know he wouldn't be your partner if he hadn't."

"Yeah, that's... uh... that's Johnny."

A sigh this time, with enough of a smile to reflect the emotions beneath. All the exasperation that his nut of a partner invoked, softened by the depth of trust between them, and a bond that surpassed the closest of brothers.

With that first hurdle safely cleared, Hank moved tentatively onto the second. So far, so good, but there was too much at stake to threaten its progress.

"He's worried about you, Roy. We all are. Hell, none of us want to lose you. But while I'll fully support you in whatever you want to do, I also want you to be absolutely sure that you're doing the right thing. Not just for yourself, Joanne, and the kids, but for the program too. You're one of the best medics it has, Roy. And if this program is going to grow and expand, you'll know more than anyone how vital that experience is."

So then, the first pitch was in. Now he had to wait to see if it ended in a final strike, or a game-winning home run. Or a curveball that he just never saw coming.

"I know that, Cap. I know all of that, and I appreciate what you and Johnny have told me. I really do, but... it's the _not_ knowing, Cap. Until I know for sure if I caused the death of that patient, how can I trust my own judgement? And if it _was_ my fault, how can I ever trust it again?"

Ah yes. The still unanswered questions, that would decide the rest of Roy DeSoto's career. And while Hank had his own answers all ready, he didn't get the chance of offer them. Instead, he just listened quietly to more of his senior paramedic's tortured conscience.

"See, that's just it, Cap. I don't even know what that decision should be, let alone if it's the best one to make. I mean, I've talked it all out with Joanne, and she says she'll go with whatever I decide too, but... Cap, I just can't seem to make it, and I can't figure out why. All those years in the field, making split second decisions to save peoples lives, but..."

Reminded again how one of those decisions had gone so tragically wrong, Roy fell back into silence. As his head went down too, he didn't see the sympathy in his captain's eyes. Just heard the voice that tried to break through the darkness that seemed to engulf him.

"...your head's so full of 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' that you can't think straight. Yes, Roy, I know. I know."

He'd repeated those last two words for a reason. As he'd hoped, Roy still picked up on it. When he raised his head again, Hank saw another heartening sign. The first light of realization not just clearing his eyes, but filling them with the empathy that _did_ belong there.

"You've been through this too, haven't you, Cap? I mean, not quite the same way, but..."

Against those rekindled memories, Hank still managed to smile as he passed Roy a now welcomed mug of coffee, and re-filled his own. As he brought them both onto tragically common ground, it was his turn now, to face his own demons.

"Yes, Roy, I have. A family, killed in a house fire, that I blamed myself for, until the investigation teams determined what had really happened. A team of contractors had fitted the wrong parts on their neighbourhood's water supply. So where I'd blamed myself for misjudging our engine's pressures... well, the investigators showed that I'd done everything correctly. I'd done everything I could to raise those pressures, but there was just not enough of a supply to do it."

Pausing to see how Roy was reacting to this revelation, Hank saw all he'd hoped for. Not just his full attention, but more of his natural empathy for others. From that alone, and the hand that had settled on his arm, Hank knew he'd made his point. But that didn't stop him from nudging it more gently home.

"That family died, Roy, through events that were completely out of my control. They were the first deaths on my watch, that I'll never forget, but that I _have_ learned to live with. And I'm still here."

Still clearly affected by this revelation, Roy just nodded while a silent conflict played out over his face. How the hell could he respond to what he'd just heard? Should he even try? It took several moments, and an entire mugful of coffee, before he ventured the question that Hank was willing him to ask.

"How, though? I - I mean, how did you...?"

"...make the decision to stay on?" Hank finished for him, the relief he felt for this breakthrough released through another reassuring smile. "Well, Roy, I took the same advice from _my_ CO that I'm giving you now. Step back, wait for Rampart to complete their post mortem checks. And stop trying to make it."

As Roy's eyes widened, so did the smile on Hank's face. Oh yes, fire station captains could hit a mean curveball too. But the more serious message beyond it still had to be made. Heard. _And_ obeyed.

"Look, Roy, you're exhausted. Please, take this as I did from _my_ CO. As advice instead of an order, and go home. Try to get some sleep. Trust me, things will look a lot clearer in the morning."

About to insist again that he was fine, Roy decided against it. Not just out of respect for his captain, but from a weariness that seemed to suck the life out of him.

He'd tried so hard to keep going. So damn hard. But as a telltale tremor through his hands warned him, his body had had enough. He'd made one tragic mistake already. With Johnny's life to consider alongside his own, he couldn't face the thought of making another. Hell, it took all his strength to get out of his chair, and focus on his captain's parting advice.

"Oh, and Roy? One last thought for you to sleep on. How many lives you've saved in the past, and how many you _could_ save in the future."

Another nod, joined this time by a much easier smile as Roy left his office - pausing in the doorway to add two quiet words that held a lifetime of gratitude within them.

"Thanks, Cap."

Through his still open door, Hank then watched him confer with the shadow that he'd seen prowling outside it. Resting his hands on his partner's shoulders, he was explaining their decision as gently as he could. He just hoped that John understood, and recognized that it had been made for all their sakes.

"I'm going home, Johnny. I just... you know, need some time to straighten myself out. But I'll be back in the morning, okay? I'll see you then."

From the speed with which he then dashed into his office - apparently not.

"So what do we do now, Cap? If I can't talk him out of it, and you can't either, then... who can?"

To his surprise, and even greater relief, his captain just smiled as he picked up his phone.

"Someone, Johnny, who'll be able to tell him what he _really_ needs to hear, and... hello, Dixie? Captain Stanley, over at 51, and... yeah, I'm afraid so. But we haven't lost him yet. And if he's free, I'd like a quick chat with Dr Brackett."


End file.
